Nesting by Roisin O'Donnell

This is a poignant and gripping story, a book that I will not easily forget! It follows the painful and fear-filled steps of young mother, Ciara, as she extricates herself from her marriage and the coercive control of an emotionally and psychologically bruising husband. Despite being set in Ireland, this is a universal story. Separated from her own family who live in England, she is alone in trying to solve her circumstances and feels the weight of her decision every day. With her two young girls, pregnant and homeless, she must strike out on her own while negotiating the ongoing criticism from her ex-husband and the difficulties of homelessness or temporary accommodation. The love of her children and the possibility of a life without fear is all that she can hold onto as she attempts to move forward. With profound resilience in the face of constant insecurity, Ciara is both strong and vulnerable. Her future must first negotiate courts, legal orders, housing applications, financial hardship, and job applications while pregnant. All this while fielding the regular threats and manipulation directed to her by her ex-husband and his family. When there are no external bruises it is difficult to prove abuse, but Ciara must persevere to protect herself and her children. Understanding the dynamics of power expressed badly is so clearly unveiled in this heart-rending story. I was often brought to tears as I journeyed with Ciara through the pain of her early time as a single mother and the abuse that she had endured. That she had survived was a testament to her ability to see love for her children as a motivation to keep moving forward. 

This is a very painful story, but it is echoed by many women around the world, and it is powerfully written. Some women who are abused also carry physical scars or die before receiving help, but this book demonstrates that psychological distress can create awful marriages. Toxic masculinity can even be expressed by ‘nice men’.  This book is an adult story, its subject is harrowing and yet there are elements that are worth reading to create empathy for those who struggle with abusive partners. A mature teen 17+ could also learn from the warning signs that this story flags, but this is not a love story and the hope that is possible must take a very tortuous route. I could not put this book down, but it has left me with an aching heart for all those who suffer in their relationships with controlling partners.

Themes: Relationship breakdown, Abuse - psychological, Power imbalances, Coercive control, Single-parenting, Homelessness, Resilience.

Carolyn Hull