How to be normal by Ange Crawford

From the outside Astrid’s family might look normal. There is a scene that Crawford describes, where Astrid and her mother and father are sitting at a table in a restaurant, and to any observer they must look like the perfect family: there is no distraction of mobile phones, father, mother, and daughter look happy, sharing a family celebration in their local restaurant. But this is the ‘honeymoon phase’, the good time, the apologetic ‘making it up’ time, after the last explosion of tension in a coercive relationship.

Astrid desperately wants to look normal. She is starting the final year of school, after years of homeschooling, because her father’s job has come to an end and her mother needs to work to support them. Mother and daughter have to venture into an outside world that has been shut off until now; and it’s Astrid’s father who’ll be waiting for them when they come home, timetables marked out on the kitchen whiteboard.

This is a story of coercive control. There is no physical violence. But the emotional abuse is terrifying. Crawford never provides details; we can only guess why Astrid flinches every time one of her school mates uses a swear word. What Crawford does do, so masterfully, is portray the fear that rules their household, the tip-toeing in the morning, the neat lining up of plates and cutlery, the anxiety over a burnt roast, the vegetables not at exactly the right temperature, the bits of rubbish hastily gathered from the street after the bin collection, all the things that have to be just right or it might trigger the explosion of hate and anger mother and daughter so dread.

The other scene that resonates so powerfully is when Astrid’s school friend Cathy comes to dinner, and Astrid’s father is so charming and accepting of the friendship; what could possibly be Astrid’s problem, why would she be so fearful about visitors to her family? It’s a façade that outsiders don’t see beyond, ignorant of the tension below the surface.

Astrid makes friends at school and while Cathy and Leila both share confidences with her, Astrid is never able to let people in to what is happening in her home. It’s a form of isolation that is so difficult to break down. Crawford writes in her note to the reader that that this was an isolation that she grew up with, and decided to share, in order to help others. There are links to support services at the end of the book.

Crawford’s debut novel is winner of the inaugural Walker Books Manuscript Prize 2024. It is an absolutely absorbing novel, eye-opening and sincere, an incredibly important insight into a kind of abuse that still hides in our society. It is written from a young person’s point of view, in a way that is not too overt, but can only open conversations that are desperately needed. Highly recommended.

Themes: Coercive control, Emotional abuse, Isolation, Fear.

Helen Eddy